I took the pick guard off today and reflowed the solder joints on it. Didn't do anything.
Brought out the multimeter, tested the neck pickup and got a reading of about 6.5 or so. No reading on the bridge pickup. Damnit...
Took the cover off the bridge pickup and resoldered any and all solder joints I could find connected to said pickup. Plugged in a cable and did a tap test.
...
SUCCESS! Bridge pickup now works! Put it all back together and dang, sounds particularly good in the middle position, so I think I might just jam a piece of guitar pick into the switch cavity and keep it locked in the middle position.
![Kiss :-*](./images/smilies/kiss.gif)
WOOO! So there you go. For $70, I have a fully functioning guitar. I also have been using an import strat vibrato arm and it actually works quite well. It's far from the body, but It actually works well because it stays out of the way of my picking hand. This will work for now.
![Smiley :)](./images/smilies/smiley.gif)